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temporary

When you’re a teenager, everything that is happening to you in that moment feels like it will last forever. You feel like you will be a teenager forever. 


I also know this was the first time in my life that I felt that lonely feeling. The first time that I felt a deep sadness that didn’t go away after a good night's sleep. Would this be life forever? This feeling? I wondered.


I felt happy, I was happy – but the sadness liked to creep in. It was a new friend that I didn’t know at the time could leave. And once it did, it could also return.


There’s been a few points in my life from 16 on – I have felt the sadness creep back in. And every time it feels the same, and every time it feels like it will last forever.


What I’ve realized as an adult that I didn’t as a teen – nothing lasts forever. It’s unfortunate in some scenarios, and very fortunate in others.


When the sadness comes I remember, you have felt this before. You know it has gone away too.


I think in my 20’s I’ve tried to stop fighting it. It comes and it passes. Sometimes it lasts longer than others. I know it always goes away. Even if it’s so loud and invasive when it’s here. 


It goes away. 


Being with people that love me is always helpful of course. But sometimes sadness requests you to be alone. In those moments I make sure I find my small joys that are manageable. 


Sometimes it's something yummy to eat that makes me feel better for just a little bit. Or watching a favorite movie that allows me to dream and escape. I find art, and I make art that makes me feel less alone. Anything that helps me find my way back to love. In all its forms. And I’m constantly, constantly, reminding myself that it will pass.


I think this a reminder to myself that I'll need many times throughout this life. But I know this feeling and its name. With that I can do a lot.


To be truly honest – I have no idea where we go from there when I'm feeling this way. I think some seasons of life we can’t know.


But we have time to figure it out, day by day.


Love,

Rachel




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